Foo Boo Magoo

I was out walking yesterday, after work, when I noticed a man stumbling oddly across the street. I walked over to see if he was okay to find him coughing blood. He collapsed on the ground, and I assumed the worst. I called 911, and within minutes, EMS showed up. The medics jumped from the ambulance, and began spitting blood as well. They fell over, dead, within seconds.
I had no idea what was happening, so I ran home as fast as I could. Men, women, and children, lay dead or dying on the sidewalks and streets. I saw a jet crash out of the sky into the public pool. I could only assume that hundreds lost their lives.
When I arrived at home, I saw a terrible sight. My dog impaled on a long pike, my brother and sister bound together and shot, and my parents hanging from a tree branch by a rope around the neck. I collapsed to the ground at let out a heart-piercing scream.
It was about that time Ashton Kutcher jumped out from a bush and yelled, "You got Punk'd!"

"Jackie Chan's not Asian, he's Chinese." -Andrew, on idiocy

"I'm so sick of you quoting that!" -Andrew, again

"And with that, Mitchell got a real taste of anger. It tasted like cold scrambled eggs, which only added to his rage." -Anger in it's truest of forms

"Frito" -One of the Jackson 6

John didn't ever get his answer to whether it was spelled "mousse" or "moose", because he was trampled by a moose. Or was it a mousse? -Makes you think

"Know what you should think about? Why we drive on parkways, and park on driveways." "Know what you should think about? Wearing a bathrobe or some pajamas or something when you get your morning paper." -A thinker