It always seems so clever

Someone once said to themselves, "why not make a blog?"


And here you are. Welcome.



I made this blog because it always seems like such a good idea to make a new exciting blog with limitless possibilities. Everyone will read it this time, I try to convince myself. Secretly, I know it is destined to crash and burn, as millions of other aimless gimmickless blogs do, but I'd rather DIE than admit it out loud. Honestly. If held up at gunpoint, and ordered to admit that my new blog is doomed from the start, or be shot, I would tell the guy in plain, loud, english, "I'd rather DIE, cupcake!"


With that nonsense out of our way, let me move on to the real reason I created this blog: bad advice and untrue facts.


"When a woman says that nothing's wrong, that means that everything's wrong. And when a woman says that everything's wrong, that means everything's wrong. And when a woman says that something's not funny, you better not laugh your ass off...ha...haha..."
-Homer Simpson on Woman

"Glory is only glorious when glory glory...DOUBLE KILL, biznatches!" -Dave on Halo 2

"Grenades are only dangerous when the pin's out, stupid. Jeez, just let the kid play with it, Stan"
-Father of the year 1997

"I think that guy's sick. He's all bent over." "No, he's just gay." -Someones girlfriend

"Eric, what you said is irrelevant." "You're an elephant." "Augh, you're such a hypocrite." "You're a hippopotamus." -Eric on debating

"I'm sorry about your cat, Mr. Robbs." "Why, what's wrong with my cat?" *stomp*
-Anonymous on cats

"Now Billy, will you stay here while daddy and I go inside?" "You can't trust that kid, just take away his wheelchair!" -Father of the year 1998

"Happy Quails" -Michelle on ending emails

"Wow, way to use host shotgun" "David, we're on the same xbox, how can I have host?" "You n00b with your host..." "I can't have host! We're not on Live!" "Andrew, I'm going to level with you, you're a host nub. I'd own you if you didn't have host." "THERE'S NO HOST!"
-Dave on Gears of War

"Oh, shotgun blast and melee, and he doesn't die. What? Oh, again, he killed me. Man, I'm lagging. God..Wha- no- damn- Augh, they never die. What? No. Augh. Oh, I killed him. What? I died somehow. Damn- what?" -Paul on being bad at Halo

"How did you steal my stick?" -Anonymous victim of Dave's lifehacking skillz

"Dave, I hope you die." -Asia

"Batman owns the New York Yankees." -Fact